One of the hardest things for people to understand is why someone—especially a young person—would go back to an abusive relationship. People assume
One of the hardest things for people to understand is why someone—especially a young person—would go back to an abusive relationship. People assume if someone is hurting you, the answer is simple: just leave.
But real life is not that simple. And if you were ever a teen in love, you know just how powerful those emotions can be.
Here are some reasons why abused teens go back to their abusive partners:
1. Love Doesn’t Just Disappear
Teens don’t stop loving their partner just because they’re being hurt. They often believe that the good times will return, that the abuse was a mistake, and that their partner will change.
2. Fear of Being Alone
Abusers often isolate their victims—convincing them that no one else will love them, that their family and friends don’t understand, or that leaving means they’ll be alone forever. For a teen who is already struggling with self-worth, this fear can be overwhelming.
3. Manipulation & Apologies
Abusive partners are not always cruel. They apologize, cry, promise to change. They say, “I can’t live without you.” They use guilt to pull their partner back in. This cycle of abuse—violence, apology, honeymoon, repeat—keeps many teens trapped.
4. Threats & Fear
Some teens go back because they are scared. Their partner might threaten to hurt them, their family, their friends—or even themselves. Many teens feel they have no way out without putting others in danger.
5. Low Self-Worth
Abusers break down their partner’s confidence. They say things like: “No one else will love you,” “You’re lucky I put up with you,” or “You’re too [ugly, crazy, difficult] to be with anyone else.” Over time, teens start believing these lies.
6. Hope for Change
Young people believe in transformation. They believe in love’s power to heal. They think if they love hard enough, give enough chances, or become “better,” the abuse will stop.
7. Pressure & Shame
Teens don’t always feel safe telling adults what’s going on. If they do, they’re often met with:
- “You knew better.”
- “I told you to leave them alone.”
- “If you go back, don’t come crying to me.”
That kind of response doesn’t help—it pushes them deeper into silence and back into the arms of someone who is hurting them.
What Can We Do?
Instead of shaming teens, let’s give them understanding. Instead of pushing them away, let’s be a safe place. They need to know that they are worthy of respect, that love should never hurt, and that they are never alone.
Because when they are finally ready to leave for good, they will need support—not judgment.
Teen Dating Violence: The Comeback Trap: WESurviveAbuse.com encourages and supports the de-silencing, healing, & empowerment, of victims & Survivor of domestic violence and sexual violence. Founder, Tonya GJ Prince. Offering consulting, engaging content, speaking, storytelling services.
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