How to Stop Adults from Gaslighting Kids About Abuse

How to Recognize When a Child Is Being Gaslit

Gaslighting doesn’t always look like outright denial. Sometimes, it’s subtle.

Watch for these red flags when a child is speaking about abuse:

🚩 They’re made to feel guilty for speaking up

• “Think of what this will do to them.”
• “You’re just trying to get attention.”

🚩 Their feelings are downplayed

• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• “They probably didn’t mean it that way.”

🚩 They’re pressured to doubt themselves

• “Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like them.”
• “Maybe you’re remembering it wrong.”

🚩 They’re told to stay quiet

• “This isn’t something we need to talk about.”
• “You need to move on and stop bringing this up.”

🚩 They are dismissed as overdramatic

• “You kids today are too soft.”
• “Back in my day, we just dealt with it.”

How to Stop Adults from Gaslighting Kids About Abuse

1. Believe the Child. Period.

Children do not lie about abuse as often as adults like to believe. And even if a situation isn’t clear-cut, your job is to protect them—not dismiss them.

Say this instead:
✔️ “I hear you. I believe you. I will help you.”

2. Name the Gaslighting When You See It

If you hear someone dismissing a child’s experience, call it out.

Say this:
✔️ “You’re making them question their reality instead of addressing the harm. That’s not okay.”
✔️ “This child is coming to us for help. Let’s not make them regret it.”

3. Document Everything

• Write down the dates, times, and what was said.
• Keep a record of any messages or evidence related to the abuse.
• If school staff or other adults ignore reports, escalate the complaint to higher authorities.

If necessary, go outside the system. If a school, church, or organization refuses to protect a child, take the case to law enforcement, advocacy groups, or even the media.

4. Teach Children to Trust Their Own Feelings

Gaslighting only works when victims begin to doubt themselves. Teach kids early:

✔️ “If something feels wrong, trust that feeling.”
✔️ “You don’t have to have proof to know when something is hurting you.”
✔️ “If an adult dismisses your feelings, find someone who will listen.”

5. Be a Safe Adult

Many children don’t speak up because they’ve seen other kids get shut down. Let the kids in your life know:

✔️ “I will always believe you.”
✔️ “I will never let anyone silence you.”
✔️ “No one is too powerful, too important, or too well-liked to be above accountability.”

The Bottom Line

When a child speaks up about abuse, there are only two choices:
1️⃣ Believe them, protect them, and take action.
2️⃣ Gaslight them into silence—and leave them vulnerable to more harm.

Too many adults choose option two because it’s easier, more comfortable, or less “messy.”

But we are responsible for protecting kids—even when it’s inconvenient, even when it challenges our assumptions, even when it costs us something.

Because a child’s safety is worth more than an adult’s reputation.

Action

👉 If you suspect a child is being gaslit about abuse, step in.
👉 If a school, church, or organization is ignoring a child’s reports, hold them accountable.
👉 If a child in your life is speaking up, be the one who listens.

Their voice matters. Let them know it.