When people talk about the tragedy of the Reimer family, most remember David — the child who was forced into a life that never fit him. His story is o
When people talk about the tragedy of the Reimer family, most remember David — the child who was forced into a life that never fit him. His story is often centered because the harm done to him was so visible, so dramatic, so public. But I want to pause here and honor someone who is too often lost in the shadows of this heartbreak:
Brian.
The twin who did not undergo reassignment.
The twin who stayed in the background.
The twin who carried a different kind of pain.
His suffering wasn’t televised. It didn’t make headlines. It didn’t become the “case study” that experts argued over. But his life was shaped by the same silence, secrets, and pressure that tore that family apart. And we cannot talk about the cost of this tragedy without saying his name with tenderness and truth.
Brian lived in a home wrapped in a secret he did not create.
Children can feel when something is off, even when nobody speaks it out loud. And Brian grew up sensing pain he couldn’t yet understand. He felt the strain, the tension, the fear… and that feeling followed him into adulthood. Because secrecy is not neutral. Shame is not neutral. Living beside a deep unspoken wound changes you.
And now remember that they were twins. So, there was a deeper knowing the majority of us can’t even comprehend.
He watched his brother struggle without being given the full story.
Imagine loving someone, seeing them hurting, and having no words for why. No tools. No language. No truth. Brian wasn’t just a bystander. He was a brother carrying quiet grief — the kind that settles in the bones.
His pain mattered. His voice mattered. His life mattered.
But in the telling of this story, Brian’s humanity often gets pushed to the side. And that silence is its own kind of loss. Because when a family is wounded, every child bleeds — even the one not chosen, not touched, not named in the experiment.
This is what secrecy does. This is what shame does.
It fractures what should be whole.
It isolates what should be connected.
It harms even in homes full of love.
And here’s the part we must hold gently:
Their parents did the best they could.
They loved their boys. They trusted a professional who spoke with confidence. They followed advice from someone who should have been humble, cautious, and truthful — but wasn’t. This family was not destroyed by ignorance or neglect.
They were misled by an outsider’s ego.
A doctor’s reputation, ambition, and certainty became louder than a parent’s intuition. And generations will learn from the cost of that.
There are so many lessons here, and none of them are small.
Secrets don’t heal.
Shame doesn’t protect.
Children cannot thrive inside a story that isn’t true.
Forcing someone — anyone — to live dishonestly is not kindness; it is harm.
Even in the most loving families, a false narrative can become a quiet, slow destruction.
There was no light in what happened to this family.
No silver lining.
No “beautiful outcome” to wrap it in.
Two sons gone too soon.
Parents carrying grief that has no end.
We honor them most — all of them — by telling the truth. By living in truth.
In one way or another, most of us shy away from certain truths. Stories like this aren’t meant to be counted like statistics — they’re meant to be felt. They invite us to pause, to reflect, and to boldly face the deeper questions they stir within us.
We can do better.
We must do better.
For our children, for our families, and for every person who has ever been pressured to live a life that does not match their soul.
Let Brian’s memory remind us that the forgotten pain, the unnoticed pain, and the unheard pain is still real.
That the quiet child still feels it.
And that the story behind closed doors matters just as much as the one the world can see.
We can do better.
We must do better.
All of us.
There aren’t many widely available interviews online where Brian Reimer himself speaks directly about his experience—most of what exists are accounts shared by others (journalists, family members, and authors) rather than solo interviews with Brian. But there are some reputable video resources where the family story and the twins’ experiences are discussed, including appearances by David Reimer that also touch on Brian’s life:
📹 Video resources
The Oprah Winfrey Show segment about The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl — this program includes interviews related to the Reimer story and helps convey how the family lived through it:
👉 The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl | The Oprah Winfrey Show (YouTube)Another Oprah clip focusing on David’s reflections and forgiveness toward his mother. While not Brian’s direct interview, it gives more human context about the family:
👉 Why the Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl Forgave His Mother (YouTube)
📖 Context where Brian’s experience is reflected
Brian himself didn’t give widely published interviews that are easy to link to, but accounts of his life and struggle are woven into several documentaries and serious reporting on the case, such as the PBS NOVA episode “Sex: Unknown” and John Colapinto’s book As Nature Made Him. Those sources include commentary on Brian and are grounded in firsthand reporting. PBS
📚 Deeper or firsthand perspectives
Brian’s personal inner experience is most directly accessed through:
The book As Nature Made Him by John Colapinto — this includes interviews with the family and reflections that help illuminate Brian’s struggle and perspective.
Documentaries like BBC Horizon episodes and PBS Nova that include interviews with David and family members, and discuss the impacts on Brian as well. Wikipedia