When speaking of harm and collective narratives, Toni Morrison said: "Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined."When we allow:ind
When speaking of harm and collective narratives, Toni Morrison said: “Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.”
When we allow:
- individuals
- institutions
- the legal system,
- the media,
- families
- even our own communities
—to define the harm done to a child using words that are :
- minimizing,
- sanitizing
- appropriate for consenting adults
- dismissive
- suggesting mutual participation
we are letting the “definers” erase the “defined.”
To minimize the harm is to minimize the weight of the wound.
That erasure is, in itself, a form of violence.
Why Lazy. Disrespectful. Unsympathetic. Language is a Weapon
It protects the perpetrator: Vague terms like “misconduct” or “inappropriate contact” shift the focus away from the choice of the aggressor and onto a nebulous “incident.”
It gaslights the Survivor: When a child’s world has been shattered, and the world describes that shattering as a “lapse in judgment,” it tells the child that their pain is an exaggeration or “not that big of a deal.”
It slows down justice: You cannot fix what you refuse to name. Sanitized language creates a “buffer zone” that prevents the urgent, radical response that child protection requires.
We owe it to every child to speak with clarity around violence, abuse, and harm. We owe it to them to speak with a clarity that refuses to prioritize the comfort of the predators over the safety of the child. Let’s stop “shushing” the truth to keep the peace with predators.
There is no peace without protection, and there is no protection without the truth.