Red Flags of Abusive People: What Every Teen and Parent Should Know

No one starts a relationship expecting it to turn toxic. Whether it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, or even a family member, abusive people don’t always show their true colors right away. That’s why it’s so important to teach teens to recognize the red flags early—before the harm begins.

Here’s what you need to watch for:

1. They Try to Control You

• They tell you what to wear, who to talk to, or how to behave.
• They get mad if you don’t do what they want.
• They make all the decisions and don’t respect your opinions.

2. They Move Too Fast

• They rush into friendships or relationships and say things like, “I’ve never felt this way before” too soon.
• They pressure you to commit before you’re ready.
• They act like they “own” you early on.

3. They Isolate You from Friends and Family

• They don’t like you spending time with others.
• They guilt-trip you for hanging out with friends or family.
• They say things like, “I’m the only one who really cares about you.”

4. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

• They constantly criticize or make fun of you, even in front of others.
• They gaslight you—meaning they deny things they did or make you question your memory.
• They say things like, “You’re too sensitive” when you express your feelings.

5. They Have Extreme Mood Swings

• One moment they’re sweet, the next they’re angry or cold.
• They blame you for their bad moods.
• You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.

6. They Disrespect Boundaries

• They ignore when you say “no.”
• They push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with.
• They guilt-trip or manipulate you into giving in.

7. They Threaten You (Even as a ‘Joke’)

• They say things like, “If you ever leave me, I’ll hurt myself.”
• They break things, punch walls, or get physical when upset.
• They use intimidation to make you afraid of upsetting them.

8. They Blame Others for Everything

• Nothing is ever their fault—they always play the victim.
• They say their past relationships failed because of “crazy” exes.
• They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

What to Do If You See These Red Flags

1. Trust your gut – If something feels off, don’t ignore it.
2. Talk to someone you trust – A parent, teacher, counselor, or friend.
3. Set firm boundaries – And if they don’t respect them, that’s a sign to walk away.
4. Know it’s not your fault – Abuse is about control, not love.
5. Reach out for help – There are people who will support you in getting out safely.

Your Safety Comes First

Too many girls and women are taught to endure harm in the name of “strength” or loyalty, but love should never hurt. Boys may believe that they are not being strong when they reach out for help or take abuse.

Knowing the red flags and valuing your safety first is an act of self-protection and self-respect.  Everyone deserves relationships built on respect, care, and equality. If someone makes you feel small, unsafe, or controlled, that’s not love—that’s manipulation. Pay attention to the signs, protect yourself, and remember: real love never requires suffering.

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