How Social Learning Shapes Gender: A Perspective Parents Should Know

As parents, we want our children to grow into confident, self-aware individuals. But from the moment they are born, they are absorbing messages about what it means to be a boy or a girl. These messages don’t appear out of nowhere—many experts argue they are learned through Social Learning Theory (SLT), a framework that has shaped education, psychology, and policy decisions.

Developed by psychologist Albert Bandura, SLT suggests that people learn by observing, imitating, and experiencing reinforcement or punishment. Those who promote this theory argue that gender is shaped not just by biology but also by societal influences. Whether or not parents agree with this perspective, it is important to understand how it influences the messages children receive.

How Social Learning Shapes Gender—According to This Theory

1. Parental Influence

• Children observe their parents’ behaviors and expectations. If they see mom doing the cooking and dad fixing things, they may assume that’s how roles “should” be.
• Some argue that parents unknowingly reinforce gender norms by encouraging boys to be “tough” and girls to be “nurturing.”
• Others counter that biological differences play a significant role in how boys and girls develop interests and behaviors.

2. Peer Influence

• Supporters of SLT claim that friends and classmates reinforce gender expectations, influencing how children behave and what they believe about gender roles.
• Some believe that children who deviate from traditional roles may face social pressure to conform.
• Others argue that personality and biology drive gender expression more than peer reinforcement.

3. Media & Cultural Influence

• Movies, TV, and books often portray boys as leaders and girls as caregivers, shaping how children perceive gender.
• Toy marketing traditionally reinforces gendered interests—think pink kitchen sets for girls and blue action figures for boys.
• Social media plays a role in amplifying gender-related messages, but whether it creates gender roles or simply reflects existing ones is debated.

4. Schools & Education

• Some claim that teachers and classroom materials reinforce gender roles, unintentionally guiding boys toward leadership and girls toward caretaking roles.
• However, others argue that biological factors influence learning preferences, and that boys and girls may naturally gravitate toward different interests.
• Regardless of the cause, children notice subtle cues—who gets called on more, who is expected to lead, and what behaviors are encouraged.

What Black Parenting Experts Say About Gender and Social Learning

Black parenting experts remind us that gender socialization does not happen in isolation—it intersects with race, culture, and historical experiences.

• Dr. Stacey Patton, child advocate and author, emphasizes that Black children face different expectations in gender roles, often shaped by survival and resilience. She warns against trends that distort biological realities and remove cultural anchors that help children navigate identity.
• Dr. Joy DeGruy, an expert in racial trauma and child development, highlights how unstable frameworks around identity can be harmful, particularly for Black children who already face systemic challenges. She urges parents to be intentional about the values they instill.
• bell hooks encouraged raising boys with emotional depth and teaching girls to embrace strength beyond traditional femininity.
• Patricia Hill Collins argued that Black families have long adapted and redefined gender roles in ways that prioritize collective well-being over rigid stereotypes.

How Parents Can Stay Informed and Guide Their Children

1. Encourage a broad range of experiences – Allow children to explore their interests without rigid expectations.
2. Be mindful of media influences – Teach children to question the messages they see in books, TV, and social media.
3. Teach critical thinking – Encourage children to analyze the difference between biological realities and social expectations.
4. Validate their individuality – Support their unique strengths rather than pressuring them into predefined roles.
5. Recognize the intersection of race and gender – Black children, especially, need guidance that empowers them to navigate societal expectations while staying true to their identity.

 Understanding the Narrative

Social Learning Theory is one perspective that has shaped how many in power approach discussions of gender in education, psychology, and policy. As parents, it is important to understand these narratives, critically analyze them, and make informed decisions about how we guide our children.

At RosasChildren.com, we are dedicated to equipping parents with knowledge that protects, empowers, and uplifts our children. Stay informed. Stay strong.