Pay attention to who gets called selfish when a girl asks for a little more of her own life. She wants to go home when the work is done. She wants to
Pay attention to who gets called selfish when a girl asks for a little more of her own life.
She wants to go home when the work is done. She wants to sleep in her own bed when she gets her period. She wants the good practice slot once in a while. Somebody will explain how things have always worked, as if she ought to be grateful for the explanation.
There’s a question worth asking before we tell her to be more understanding. Who gets to stay comfortable if she gives in? The answer changes from place to place. The expectation that she’ll give in travels pretty well.
1. Morocco — A girl keeps another household running
In a 2012 investigation, Human Rights Watch documented girls as young as eight working in other people’s homes in Morocco. Some worked 12 hours a day, seven days a week. In almost every case the investigators documented, parents or an intermediary negotiated the wages, and the employer paid the parents directly.
Think about what it takes for a child to ask for a day off when everybody who made the deal is older than she is. The employer gets a household that runs. Her family gets money it may badly need. And the girl who did the work may have the least say over when she can put it down.
2. Nepal — A girl gives up her bed so others can keep a rule about purity
In parts of Nepal, girls have described a practice called chhaupadi, a form of menstrual seclusion that can require them to sleep outside the family home in a hut or animal shed during their periods. UNICEF documented girls discussing the practice in the districts of Bajura and Achham.
A girl gets her period and the grown people have a decision to make. They can endure the discomfort of questioning a rule they grew up with, or she can spend the night away from her own bed. Notice how quickly the second option can become the one everybody calls respect.
3. Haiti — Armed groups use sexual violence as they tighten their grip
As armed gangs expanded their territorial control in Haiti in 2025, the United Nations verified sexual violence against 166 children. Of those children, 164 were girls.
When people talk about who controls a neighborhood, the conversation can stay up at the level of maps and roads. A girl has to live that same story at street level. Can she get home? Who can she turn to if a man with a gun hurts her? Look at who has to think through those questions every time she steps outside, and you’ll understand something about what armed men’s power costs.
4. Vietnam — The family’s hopes for a son shape which children are born
UNFPA reported that Vietnam’s 2019 census showed about 112 boys born for every 100 girls, above the expected biological range. UNFPA examined that imbalance in connection with son preference.
Think about the pressure on a woman who already has a daughter and keeps hearing that somebody still needs to give the family a son. Her daughter may be loved dearly and still grow up hearing that her arrival left something unfinished. That’s a hard thing to learn at the very table where people tell you how much they love you.
5. United States — Girls are expected to be grateful for whatever time is left on the court
The national high school athletics survey counted about 4.73 million boys’ sports participations and 3.54 million girls’ participations in 2024–25. Both were record highs. To see how opportunity works at a particular school, you have to look closer. The U.S. Department of Education includes practice times, game schedules, and facilities among the things schools must consider when providing equal athletic opportunity.
If you want to know who a school expects to work around everybody else, pull up the gym schedule. See who gets the time parents can actually make and who keeps getting what’s left. A girl can love basketball, be glad she made the team, and still want to know why the boys’ schedule always seems to get written in ink.
The next time somebody says, “She understands,” I’d like to hear the rest of the conversation. Maybe she understands perfectly. Maybe she knows the family needs the money or that the people in charge like the schedule just fine. She can understand every reason you give her and still have a fair question.
When it costs somebody something to do right by me, who’s willing to pay?
Girls Are Not the Solution to Boys’ Hurt Feelings – Rosa’s Children
12 Facts About Girls in Sports – Rosa’s Children
Media Resource List: Adultification of Black Children – Rosa’s Children
Safe People Don’t Need Endless Convincing to Respect a Boundary – Rosa’s Children
What Is Boundary Grooming? (And Why Every Parent Needs to Know) – Rosa’s Children