We cannot rewrite history. Many parents struggled under pressure—told they must make a decision they were not certain about. Some were pushed too ha
Photo by Daryl Wilkerson Jr
We cannot rewrite history. Many parents struggled under pressure—told they must make a decision they were not certain about. Some were pushed too hard. The message was “absolute” so-called gender-affirming care. All or nothing.
This heavy-handed approach ignored something vital: parents need time, support, and tangible resources.
Time to process. Time to weigh their beliefs, values, resources (everything costs and parents are the ones who have to determine how to afford it now and in the future), and lived realities.
I remember when my own child needed a very different kind of medical care. Rare issues even most Western doctors have never heard of. He’s an adult now; charming, funny, and witty. He and the doctors have a wonderful time as he shares his knowledge about his rare condition with them.
By necessity, he has had to gain this knowledge since he was a small child.
The female doctor I chose was heaven sent. She was child-centered, always keeping my child’s well-being at the core of every decision. More than that, she empowered children through education—helping them fully understand their bodies, their options, and their right to be heard.
Before procedures I could and would take him to appointments just because he had questions and concerns. She would respond with an affirming: “As he should.”
Me, I would be quietly sitting in the corner taking notes.
Intentionally chosen, his female pediatrician was the same way.
I believe in empowerment fiercely. (I’m only human so it doesn’t always go perfectly)
Anyway,
I tried to handle everything in a vacuum—stubbornly on my own. It depleted me. It exhausted me. It was only when my friends and family scolded me, reminded me I wasn’t meant to carry it alone, that I found the strength to move forward with clarity.
So when politicians and other leaders try to strong-arm parents into quick, rigid decisions, they are not helping.
They are stripping away the very support system that makes families strong. This has been especially damaging for co-parents, blended families, and single mothers, who already shoulder so much.
The lesson for anyone who claims to be a leader is simple: if you want to be “the good guy” for parents—listen. Support parents. Walk with them. Parents do not want dictators in our lives. We don’t need that.
We want partners. We want wisdom. We want compassion. We need resources. Financial resources.
That is how we protect children. That is how we truly stand with families.
So as we uncover political lies and things that were not true, do not dishonor the fears that parents have had and still have.
Parenting is terrifying from start to finish. It demands clarity, solid information, financial support, economic security and the courage from leaders to state your intentions plainly. Vagueness and slurs won’t cut it when our children’s lives and futures are on the line.
Medical care for children is very expensive in the US. Meanwhile when a child has any type of medical procedure, someone must be with them at all times. They are afraid. They can’t sleep. Sometimes there is a need to go back and adjust this or that. It is all so complicated.
Children’s bodies are so beautifully complex and precious.
Children’s medical procedures are like parenting itself. Nothing went the way that we planned. Not one thing. But in the end, it was all blessed.
If parents come up with other options and alternatives before your “solution”, that may not be “hate” as you call it…that’s deep and abiding love for our babies. And their future.