⚠️ When ‘Good Manners’ Put Kids in Danger: Time to Rethink the Rules

( Break the Cycle)
For Parents & Protectors

Abusers don’t just rely on violence.
They rely on systems, silence, and social rules that allow them to move undetected.

Here’s a list of what often works in their favor—and what we can shift to keep children safer:

1. Telling Children to “Be Nice” to Everyone

🧠 Even if it makes them uncomfortable.

• Abusers love overly obedient children.

• Instead, teach: “Be kind—but you don’t have to be close with everyone.”

2. Punishing Children for Speaking Up

🧠 Especially when they interrupt, correct, or say ‘no’ to adults.

• Abusers depend on silence and politeness.

• Instead, affirm: “You can always tell me the truth—even if it’s hard or messy.”

3. Forcing Hugs, Kisses, or Touch

🧠 To avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

• Abusers test boundaries by watching who has none.

• Instead, say: “You don’t have to hug or kiss anyone. A wave or smile is okay too.”

4. Telling Kids to Keep Secrets

🧠 Even “harmless” ones.

• Abusers blur the line between a secret and a surprise.

• Instead, teach: “We don’t keep secrets—only surprises that make people smile.”

5. Never Talking About Body Safety

🧠 Because it feels awkward or too early.

• Abusers count on kids being uninformed.

• Instead, use age-appropriate books, posters, and phrases like:
  “Your body belongs to you. No one gets to touch it without your okay.”

6. Trusting Adults Just Because They’re Adults

🧠 “They’re family.” “They’re respected.” “They’d never.”

• Abusers hide in plain sight.

• Instead, remind kids: “If anyone—anyone—makes you feel unsafe, you can tell me.”

7. Shaming or Ignoring Children’s Intuition

🧠 “Don’t be rude.” “You’re being dramatic.”

• Abusers rely on children doubting their gut.

• Instead, affirm: “I trust your feelings. Let’s talk about it.”

💡 Let’s Teach Our Children:

• They can say no.

• Their voice matters.

• They will be believed.

• And they are never responsible for protecting an adult’s reputation or feelings.

Because what works in favor of abusers is often what we were taught to ignore.
But we know better now.

And now—we protect.

🛡️ rosaschildren.com