Until we become the kind of grown ups who can handle hearing about ugly truths and facts, confronting them, and learning from them, we will appear to
Until we become the kind of grown ups who can handle hearing about ugly truths and facts, confronting them, and learning from them, we will appear to be unsafe spaces. Predators love that. -Tonya GJ Prince
History is ugly in certain spots.
The choices people made—and the ways they tortured and harmed others—are horrible to look at. But if you don’t have the courage to face it, know this: children will notice. They will understand, in their own way, that you are not a safe place for hard truths.
In my work as an advocate, I spent many hours speaking with children. Often, the adults in their lives knew I was talking to them. That was in person.
BUT….several years in, when I volunteered on an online hotline—one where you didn’t have to speak—kids told me, over and over, that their parents were in the other room and yet they didn’t trust them enough to say that someone had harmed them.
These weren’t children who lacked words. These were children who had gut instinct. They could sense when the adults around them might crumble, dismiss them, or turn away from truths too heavy to bear.
Other reasons include:
🚫 Lack of Confidence You’ll Act
If children don’t believe adults will protect them or address the issue, they may decide it’s easier to stay silent.
💔 Ignored Feelings
When a child’s emotions are dismissed, overlooked, or minimized, they learn their voice doesn’t matter. Silence feels safer than being unheard again.
⚖️ No Accountability for Others
When kids see adults fail to hold harmful people accountable—for how they treat them or even how they treat you—they doubt justice will ever come.
👂 Listening to Others, Not to Them
When adults give more weight to outsiders’ opinions than to a child’s truth, the child learns: “No one will believe me.”
✨ A Gentle Reminder to Parents
Children need proof that their voices matter.
Believe them the first time.
Show them their feelings are taken seriously.
Hold others accountable when harm is done.
Let them know their safety is always more important than appearances.
When children trust that you will listen and act, they are far more likely to come to you when it matters most.
And here’s the thing: that same instinct applies in our communities. People sometimes wonder why certain groups meet in private, or why they must eavesdrop or infiltrate to find out what’s being said. They wonder why people build small, intentional spaces ……without them.
The answer is simple. Your actions show you can’t handle hard truths based in fact.
Children know. Survivors know. Marginalized groups know. And until we demonstrate that we can face the ugliest parts of history and reality without turning away, we will never be trusted with the deepest truths people carry.
Predators are not kind and nice. They do unspeakable things to vulnerable people. They always have.
Until we become the kind of grown ups who can handle hearing about ugly truths and facts, confronting them, and learning from them, we will appear to be unsafe spaces. Predators love that.
People will leave you to be alone with the lies you dearly cling to.