Not then. Not now. Not ever. We need to say this out loud.We need to say it without flinching.We need to say it so clearly that no child ever wonde
Not then. Not now. Not ever.
We need to say this out loud.
We need to say it without flinching.
We need to say it so clearly that no child ever wonders where the blame belongs again:
When a grown adult grooms, manipulates, or harms a child—
the fault is never the child’s.
Not if the child trusted them.
Not if the child felt special.
Not if the child didn’t understand.
Not if the child stayed silent out of fear or love or confusion.
Not even if the child said yes, because children are not capable of consenting to abuse.
The blame belongs to the adult. Always.
🛑 And we must also speak to the other harm:
When the people around the child—church members, teachers, family, even spouses of the abuser—put blame where it does not belong.
Like the woman who said to a victim,
“I forgive you.”
As if the child had committed the crime.
As if the child had power equal to the predator.
As if a child could be complicit in their own violation.
This is not grace. This is gaslighting.
Forgiving the victim for surviving a crime committed against them is not healing. It is cruelty wrapped in religion.
It is spiritual abuse.
It is wrong.
Let’s say it the way it should have been said:
“You were a child. What happened to you was not your fault.”
“You didn’t deserve that. You deserved safety and protection.”
“I’m sorry the adults failed you.”
“You are not to blame.”
“You are not alone.”
At RosasChildren, we stand for the absolute protection of children.
We do not entertain excuses.
We do not entertain manipulation dressed up as forgiveness.
We do not confuse guilt with grace.
We know that:
Children are vulnerable because they are supposed to be able to trust adults.
Predators rely on our silence, our politeness, and our fear of conflict.
And too many Survivors have been re-wounded by people more concerned about protecting reputations than children’s lives.
If you remember nothing else from this post, remember this:
A child is never to blame for being targeted by an adult.
Never. Not once. Not under any circumstances.
And if anyone ever tries to make a child or a now-grown Survivor feel responsible for the harm they suffered,
we stand firmly on the side of truth:
“No child is ever responsible for making an adult hurt them.”
That’s the truth. And it’s sacred.
Would you like a poster that reads:
“I Forgive You” Should Never Be Said to a Child Victim—Because There Is Nothing to Forgive.